What about you, or the children and pets?

• Are you sleeping? Have you stopped crying? Could you benefit from counseling (examining your feelings can be healthy)?
• Grief is a normal cleansing process, and it takes time. Some people get stuck and need a professional nudge to keep them moving through the process. You have a long life ahead of you, as do your children—make the time and take the effort to recover and enjoy your life while you celebrate the time you had with your spouse.
• Children really need to feel security from the surviving parent. Have you begun to bond with your child in areas where the deceased parent used to provide the primary support? (Moms, are you becoming involved in your son’s athletic programs as more than just a fan; Dads, have you been shopping with your daughter yet?) Becoming a supporter of all aspects of your child’s life will help both of you through the healing process!
• Are there small changes you might like to make to your home, so not everything reminds you of the loss of your loved one? A new slipcover, some paint, or rearranging a few pieces of furniture could brighten your mood.
• A word of caution, there will be plenty of things to throw away or give away. Don’t rush things. For charitable donations of clothing keep good records and keep your receipt!
• Do you need help with repairs, painting, landscaping? Consider referrals from neighbors, or check the Tom Martino’s Troubleshooter Network website to find reputable contractors in your area.
• Nobody is perfect, and you may find your spouse had a darker side, one that was unknown to you. Seek help to learn how to cope. If you are shocked now, with help, you will learn to see the person you loved again later.
• If you’re not familiar with (or don’t have time for) taking care of the investments to support your family and your retirement, considering hiring a financial advisor. Reputable fee-based investment advisors (not commission-based brokers, accountants or insurance agents) can provide you with solid recommendations on planning, asset allocation, insurance and investments. Many of these professionals carry designations such as Certified Financial Analyst (CFA), Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or Registered Investment Advisor (RIA). One search tool is on the National Financial Planning website. You may validate with the CFP Board that a specific Certified Financial Planner is in good standing on their website (or call 888-237-6275).
• What about insurance on you to protect your family? Helpful information on life, disability, long term care, auto and home insurance coverage is located on the Insurance Information Institute website.
• The Early Show on CBS News provides some financial tips for widows, to help you face financial challenges of widowhood.
• DON’T rush into investment changes, financial or insurance purchases. Believe it or not, like disreputable charities some salesman will try to take advantage of those who are grieving or not knowledgeable. Talk to someone you trust before you buy or sell investments!
• Keep up the healthy eating and exercise.
• Re-evaluate your beneficiary designations, will or estate plan.
• Continue with regular doctor and dentist appointments and for yourself and your family.
• You’ve been watching the mail carefully for statements to accounts you had not already closed, or any indication of property or for accounts you might not have aware. Periodically check the NAUPA (National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators) website for links to the lists of individuals with unclaimed property in your state.

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