If not prepared, what do I do?
Following Up: Suggestions to Help You and Your Family Cope After the First Few Months Have Passed
Are you sleeping? Have you stopped crying? Could you benefit from counseling? Examining your feelings can be healthy. Grief is a normal cleansing process which takes time. Some people get stuck and need professional guidance to keep them moving through the process. You have a long life ahead of you, as do your children—make the time and take the effort to recover and enjoy your life while you celebrate the time you had with your spouse.
Children really need to feel security from the surviving parent. Have you begun to bond with your child in areas where the deceased parent used to provide the primary support? (Moms, are you becoming involved in your son’s athletic programs as more than just a fan; dads, have you been shopping with your daughter?) Becoming a supporter of all aspects of your child’s life will help both of you through the healing process.
Are there small changes you might like to make to your home, so not everything reminds you of the loss of your loved one? A new slipcover, some paint or rearranging a few pieces of furniture could brighten your mood. A word of caution–there will be plenty of things to throw away or give away. Don’t rush. If you donate items to charity, keep good records and ask for a receipt!
Do you need help with repairs, painting, landscaping? Consider referrals from neighbors, realtors you know, or check the Tom Martino’s Referral List (Colorado), Team Dave Logan (Denver Area), Home Advisor (national, no fee) or Angi websites to find reputable contractors in your area. No matter what service you choose, be SURE to also check ratings and complaints on your local Better Business Bureau site. Don’t trust that a business’ or third-party advertisements are accurate!
Nobody is perfect, and you may find your spouse had a side that was unknown to you. Seek help to learn how to cope. You may feel shocked now; however, with help, you will soon learn to see the person you loved again.
If you’re not familiar with (or don’t have time for) taking care of the investments to support your family and your retirement, consider hiring a financial advisor. Reputable fee-based investment advisors (not commission-based brokers, accountants or insurance agents) can provide you with recommendations on planning, asset allocation, insurance and investments. Many of these professionals carry designations such as Certified Financial Analyst (CFA), Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or Registered Investment Advisor (RIA). One search tool to consider is on the National Financial Planning website. Visit the CFP Board website to see whether a specific Certified Financial Planner is in good standing (or call 800-487-1497). For RIAs or commission-based brokers check FINRA’s Broker Check to see more detail about the individual’s licensing and background. Make sure your insurance coverage is adequate. Helpful information on life, disability, long term care, auto and home insurance coverage is located on the Insurance Information Institute website. You may also wish to consider identity theft coverage through companies like Identity Guard or Lifelock. The Early Show on CBS News provides some tips to help you face financial challenges of widowhood. Check broad resources like AARP or Senior Source (particularly for Colorado) for help.
Consider joining a group for personal support like Modern Widows Club (many locations across the country) as you begin or continue your recovery.
DON’T rush into investment changes, financial or insurance purchases. There are some disreputable companies who try to take advantage of those who are grieving. Talk to someone you trust before you buy or sell investments. Keep up the healthy eating and exercise. Re-evaluate your beneficiary designations, will or estate plan. Keep regular doctor and dentist appointments and for yourself and your family. Watch the mail carefully for statements to accounts you have not already closed, or property or accounts of which you had no knowledge.
Periodically check the NAUPA (National Association of Unclaimed Property Administrators) website for links to the lists of individuals with unclaimed property in your state.